If I Had A Quarter

for all the idiotic things that come out of my mouth, I wouldn't be rich (cause I'm not that big of a dope), but I'd still have a lot of money!

I was browsing the calendar and telling Jason the other day...

"You know our anniversary is coming up in a little over a month."

"uh huh" because he's super excited, can't you tell?

"so, I want you to do something really romantic for me, like take me on a hot air balloon ride and read me hand written love poems and whisper sweet nothings into my ear."

"why?"  More enthusiasm... Man! I LOVE HIM!

"because, we will have been married 3 years and this like the longest relationship I've ever had." 

*crickets*

"uhh, obviously this is the longest relationship I've ever had since I married you and all" I said while I was laughing at the whole conversation. 

You know what they say?  You can't fix stupid.

A couple weeks ago we were laying in bed about to go to sleep when I said "Hey, I gotta tell you something" in my most serious voice.

I know Jason's thinking to himself "oh crap, we're overdrawn in the checking account, she ruined some more of my clothes in the laundry, she dropped the baby, she has a venereal disease"  but he said "uh oh, what?"

"umm, in the middle of the night when I get up several times to go pee, I don't flush the toilet because I don't want it to wake up Elise, so in the mornings when you get up, can you not look in the toilet and just use the other one?"

He's just chuckled and said "ok" when he was secretly thinking "Thank God, she didn't spend all our money!"