Who Needs Siblings When There's Dogs?

Elise doesn't seem to be lacking companionship since she has me and her two doggies to play with.  I took some pictures of her playing with them, and then she played with her purse and showed Riley all about it.

The Many Faces of Elise

 Hiiiiiiiiiiii-Yaw!  I am going to Karate Chop you with my keys!

"Got my hands up, they're playin my song

the butterflies fly away

I'm noddin my head like "yeah"

I'm movin my hips like "yeah"

Only My Child

If I'm Found Dead, My Husband is Guilty

Every year I send out a Christmas card with a family photo or like last year, a picture of Elise.  I had intentions of sending out cards again this Christmas.  This year I thought it would be interesting to put a little twist on our family Christmas photo.  I ran the idea by Jason and he seemed to be on board.  He must not have thought I was serious.

I wanted to take our picture with me and Jason wearing *festive* Christmas sweaters.  I went up to Kohl's to see what I could find.  Obviously they didn't have anything trashy enough in the men's department for Jason, so I thought I'd check the Women's Plus Size department.  I found a few prospects.  There were 2 really great ones and they came in red and blue.  I thought I would be kind to Jason and get him the blue one.  I called him to confirm his size.

"Hey, I'm at Kohl's and I found you a Christmas sweater, but I found it in the women's plus size department.  Will a 3x work for you?"

::hesitation:: "suuuure."

I wanted to get the matching red one for myself, but there wasn't one that would be remotely close to fitting me.  While I was digging through the rack looking at the sizes, an old lady actually put one on and she modeled for her husband.

"That's really pretty on you."

I laughed on the inside and thought to myself... I wonder if Jason says that kind of crap to me when I look like a fool??  Surely not.

I went to the women's section in hopes of finding something equally hideous for myself.  The sweaters there looked relatively normal, you know, they just had snowflakes on them and were pretty decent colors.  Then I found a bunch of turtlenecks.  No one wears turtlenecks anymore so I thought I was on to something.  I found one that was red with snowmen on it.  It would have to do.

I proceeded to make my purchases and head home.  I called a friend to see if she would be able to come by and snap a few photos so I could get started on my Christmas cards.  She agreed, and my plan was coming together perfectly.

Jason came home from work and took his work pants off and sat down in his chair.  I'm pretty sure when he reads this he's going to take me off his life insurance policy.  I busted out his sweater and showed it to him.  He was HORRIFIED.  He told me there wasn't a snowflake's chance in hell that he was wearing that.  Maybe not in those exact words.  I'm just paraphrasing.  I sat on top of him in his chair so he couldn't get up and forced the sweater on him.  I got his arms in and zipped it up.  It was QUITE a sight to behold.  My hunky fireman husband sitting in his chair in his boxers and horrific holiday sweater.

I showed him the shirt I got.  This is the conversation that followed.

"Your's isn't even that bad!"

"This is all I could find!  I was going to get the sweater like your's in red but they didn't have my size."

"You're trying to make me look a queer!!!"

"No I'm not!  It's just for fun!  Shalee and Jarrett are coming over after while to take our picture."

I thought I had him convinced that this was going to be a funny joke when we sent our Christmas cards.  I was wrong.

We had the pictures taken and I designed the cards online at Wal-Mart.  I showed them to him before I ordered them.  He just shook his head, but he didn't comment so I assumed it was ok to move forward.

I picked up the cards at Wal-Mart and sat down to address them.  After I got ONE addressed he finally decided to tell me what he thought.

"I can't believe you are going to send those out!  I'm the only one that looks stupid."

"My shirt looks stupid too.  It was all I could find.  People are obviously going to look at BOTH of us and realize it's just a joke.  It's not just you.  It's the picture as a whole.  Just tell everyone you were held a gunpoint and forced to wear it."

"I look like a homo and you're making me the butt of the joke."

At that point I had enough.  He obviously was not going to find the humor in this so I took all (but one) of the cards and threw them in the garbage and told him to quit whining!  I took the card that I saved and put it in Elise's baby book.  I threatened to put the pictures on Facebook and he threatened to divorce me.

So for your viewing pleasure, our 2010 Family Christmas Photo!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, I left the tags on and took them back to Kohl's and got my $40 back.  Luckily Jason's sweater was on sale.  The regular price was $52.

Dino Express

I have been pushing Elise up and down the hall way on her dinosaur.  Jason filmed it last night and did a TERRIBLE job of it.  If I knew how to remove the sound I definitely would have.  Especially since he decided to tell ya'll I was farting because he knew I couldn't hear what he saying.  I'm pretty sure he farted and blamed it on me.  And he totally knew I was posting this on the blog.  But, I am working on a really good post.  I don't get mad, I get even!

Then vs. Now

This is what my house looked like at one time.

It was organized, clean, and tidy. 

Fast forward to today.  Things are much different. 

This is what it looks like on a GOOD day.  As you may see, all of the electronics are stored on the entertainment center: remotes, phones, cameras.  I miss my tidy and tranquil living room.  A place we could relax and unwind. 

Now it's like dodging landmines and swear words every time I trip or stub my toes on a toy.  Even though it's a pain to pick all of these toys up multiple times a day, and even though it's a pain (literally) when I injure a body part on all of these toys, I still find joy in having them everywhere.

Although, it is becoming quite a hazardous environment when I'm tripping over toys, Elise is tripping over toys, and the dogs are running into them and jumping over them as they were hurdles.  It is also quite hazardous for Jason.  When he leaves in the morning to go to work, he will trip over them in the dark and it always makes some kind of noise.  Either one of the talking toys starts making noise, or I hear something go flying across the kitchen floor.

The day will come when I'm sure I'll miss all of the toys, but I'm not going to miss all of injuries, particularly to my baby toes.

It's Not Too Late For 14 Month Photos

As I was looking back at my past blog posts, I realized I haven't done 14 month photos or a 14 month letter to Elise.  I then realized why I haven't put up any 14 month photos.  I tried to snap a few today and Elise definitely wasn't into it.  She's usually not paying attention to me, or trying to attack me to get her little hands on the camera.  Anyway, here are the pictures I managed to get.  They are less than impressive.  At least in 8 days, she will be 15 months old and I can try again.

Then I thought I'd try to impress ya'll by showing her saying her favorite word "doggie."  Ever since she learned how to say "doggie", "MaMa" and "DaDa" are a thing of the past.  Her newest word is "kitty" but it sounds more like "KiKi."  She has such a soft little voice that you can't really hear her on the video.  Nevertheless, I went ahead and posted it anyway.

Who's Really The Boss?

It's pretty much common knowledge that my child absolutely detests getting in her car seat.  She stiffens up, won't bend, screams, and twists to avoid being strapped in.  I have just tried waiting it out in hopes that she will give up and agree to getting in it.  That doesn't happen often.  About the only time she will let me put her in is the very first time of the day.  Any kind of "in and out" of the car seat trips usually end up in her screaming and me sweating and gasping for air.

Anyway, Jason and I were running errands the other day with Elise in tow.  Thus, having to do the in and out, in and out.  It was all beginning to be too much for me, so at our last stop I said,

"do you just wanna sit in here with her and I'll run in and if I need you I'll come back out?"

"well, I guess I can.  We can just go in with you."

"But she has a total cow when you have to put her back in her car seat, so I thought we could avoid all that."

Then he said these words.  Words that gave me quite a chuckle.

"Well, she doesn't run our life."

Ummm.  Correction there Jason.....

I then went on to point out,

"What do you mean she doesn't run our life?!  In case you forgot, I have eaten my dinner in the bathroom on the toilet a number of times while she was playing in the bath tub."

"I sat in there and ate my dinner too!"

"Yeah, but only once!"

It's true.  Jason grilled steak one night and I was giving Elise a bath, so he brought my wine and plate to me in the bathroom.  I then sat on the toilet and ate it.  He even joined me.  Then when Elise was done in the bath and I took her to her room to get dressed, he took his plate and beer in there and ate in the glider.  It was all so romantic.

But, like I said....  He's only eaten in the bathroom once.  I have done it quite a few times.

And, now look what our lives have come to.  Me standing outside the truck in a parking lot bickering with him about who has had to eat more meals in the bathroom on the toilet.

Because "she doesn't run our life."

Well, I hate to state the obvious, but I wasn't eating in the bathroom for my health.

Just Another Day In The Hood

Yesterday was just another normal day.  Except for the fact that an arctic cold front moved in and it was freaking cold.  It was spitting snow, the wind was blowing about 15-20 miles an hour, and, oh yeah, it was COLD!  I had my Tortilla Soup simmering in the crock pot, just finished up a shower and getting dressed, making a few phone calls.... then a friend of mine called that lives down the street from us.  She told me that someone from the Junior High called her and said her dog was out and he was up there.  She was 2 hrs away, and her husband was about a half hour away.  She asked me if I could run up to the school and get him.  The kid was going to meet me out front and bring the dog to me.  I was just going to take him back to their house and put him inside.  Sounded easy enough. Or so I thought.

So, Elise and I got bundled up and headed up to the junior high school.  I thought I was just going to pull up, there he would be standing, holding a Corgi, he would walk out and put him in my truck, I'd say thanks and be on my way.  Nope.  That was not what happened at all.  Not even close.

Lucky for me, I pulled up to the school at the same time it was letting out.  Translation:  Kids EVERYWHERE, Cars EVERYWHERE, and school buses blocking the front.  Just perfect!  I called Alexis back and asked where exactly this kid was at.  She said he was out front.  Well, I informed her that the front was not accessible due to the 8 school buses blocking it.  So, I continued to circle and circle until I could see around the school buses.  I spotted a kid holding a Corgie and he spotted me.  He and his friends made their way over with the dog.  I rolled the window down....

"Is this your dog?"

"No, he's my friend's..."

"You want me to just throw him in the back of the truck?"

"No, just bring him over here and put him in the passenger seat."

"He's wet."

"That's ok..."

"You might want to get him on Nutri System or something, he's heavy!"

"Ok, I'll let her know."

"That will be $29.99."

"Ok, just send me a bill... Thank you."

And then I was back on my way with the dog in tow.  I was heading to her house to put him inside.  I pulled into the driveway, and went around to the front of the truck.  I was going to make sure the front door was unlocked before I got him out.  Just as I was passing the front of my vehicle, I hear "click."  OH.MY.GAWD!  That damn dog just locked my truck!  With it running.  WITH MY BABY INSIDE!  I immediately reached into my pocket for my cell phone.... I'll just call OnStar and have them unlock it.  Well, my pockets were empty.  I looked in the truck, only to see my cell phone.  Locked inside.  WITH MY BABY!

So, I ran to front door and went inside.  All the while saying "Please have a phone, please have a phone!"  Annnnnd, there was a cell phone laying on the floor!  GOD DOES LOVE ME!  I dialed Jason's number and pushed send....  only to find out that it's not connected because it's an old phone that they gave to their daughter, Scout to play with.

So, I saw that their laptop was pulled up.  I got on it to send a 911 message to the administrative assistant at the fire department to let Jason know I needed him to get the spare keys.  No luck there either.  It wouldn't connect to the internet.  I was trying VERY hard not to have a melt down and find some piece of equipment to bust one of the windows. 

But, then I thought there had to be better solution.  I walked outside and looked around.  Surely someone was home around there, but which house to pick.....  I checked on Elise, she was still doing ok, the dog was bouncing around, and I was unsuccessfully begging him to step on the unlock button.  I thought I needed to ask to borrow someone's phone but I didn't want to get too far away from Elise.  I ran across the street and rang the doorbell.  A lady came to the door with a bewildered look on her face.  I was freezing and worried so all I managed to tell her that I was just across the street and locked out and if I could borrow her phone.  She let me in and agreed.

I called Jason and quickly explained the situation and then ran back across the street and stood outside and waited for him.  And froze my ass off.  My hair was still wet from getting out of the shower.  It was snowing.  It was a really fun time!

The lady across the street came outside and hollared at me that I could come inside her house where it was warm and wait.  I told her the house was unlocked, but my baby is locked in the truck.  She looked at me in shock and worry and said "Ohhhhhhhhhh."

Yeah OHHHHH... It's a little more urgent than just having the dog locked in the running vehicle with the phone in it.  Luckily it didn't take Jason too long to get there, but it seemed like an eternity standing out there in the cold bouncing around to stay warm and begging Elise NOT to cry!  Jason got it unlocked and set the dog inside their house.  I was on my way home just as Elise started to cry. 

I called Alexis back and she said "hello?"

"YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME!!!"

A Brief Note

Dear Top Teeth,

YOU.SUCK.  It's bad enough that you are torturing my sweet child all.day.long. making her extra clingy to me and fussy!  But, if it would be possible, could you please break through her gums sometime between the hours of 9am and 10pm?  That's a 13 hr window of opportunity and PLENTY of time.  Because the 2am wake up call of a SCREAMING 14 month old is really, really unpleasant!  Especially when she was up the night before until 12:30.  So, we all need to come to some kind of understanding.  You do your thing, and Elise and I will do ours.  However, you need to get the show on the road and get those teeth OUT NOW!  Time is ticking today.  And tonight, I do not expect to hear any screaming out of my child.

Many Thanks,
SDJ

A Pleasant Surprise

I was having lunch today with a friend/former co-worker of mine.  Elise was being picky about her lunch and only insisted on eating the french fries from my friend's plate instead of the fiber and nutrient rich vegetables I ordered for her.  Big surprise there.

Anyway, we were discussing how "grown-up" Elise is and how she was brand new just yesterday.  I went on to say that she is walking, terrorizing my medicine cabinet (she thinks the pill bottles are musical instruments).  Before you freak out on me, I do NOT encourage playing with the medications and supervise her at all times.  She is always doing it while I am trying to get ready so whatever it takes to get the child to leave me alone for 2 minutes to blow dry my hair.  I have now secured a hair band around the cabinet and she has not consumed any medications to my knowledge.

I went on to explain that Elise has learned how to shake her head "no" when Jason and I ask for a kiss.  Then I was going to demonstrate for her how exactly it works.

I leaned over and politely asked "Can Momma have a kiss?" with a smile.

I was waiting for the head shaking so that I could prove to my friend exactly what kind of attitude I'm dealing with.... when then of all things!

My sweet little baby smiled and leaned close to my face to get a kiss.  I melted!

I leaned back and said "awww, you're so sweet.  Thank you."

Then she leaned close to me again to get ANOTHER ONE!  My heart exploded into fairy dust and rainbows, and sunshine, and puppies.

I was in total shock.  Then I figured that little smarty pants she is, was just trying to show off.  Oh well, I'll take it!!

Getting Back In The Swing Of Things

I know I've been MIA in blogging for awhile, with the exception of the video of Elise walking.  I've been trying to recover and catch up from the holidays.  I haven't even had the desire to sit down and try to type out anything... at least not anything with some substance.  If I would have attempted to write a blog post last week or the week before, it would have looked something like this:

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So it's for the best that I took a small hiatus to give my brain time to recover from being MUSH.

I just got Elise down in her crib for her nap.  She's been wanting to be held ALL DAY for the last two days, so I laid down on the couch with her and held her while she snuggled up with her favorite blanket and fell asleep.  I can't say that I mind getting the opportunity to lay down and cuddle with her.

She hasn't been feeling well.  We have been to her doctor's office once a week for the last three weeks.  First, it was a sinus infection.  I have never seen someone sneeze and pour out snot like she was.  We got the sinus infection cleared up and the following week we were back at the pediatrician's office again.  This time it was severe allergies.  She was prescribed a $70 allergy medication plus Benadryll every 6 hrs.  We were able to get the sneezing and red, puffy eyes under control and get her nose dried somewhat dried up.  Now, she has a rattling cough.  Today, she got a steroid shot for inflamed airways and two medications in a breathing treatment.  I've been coughing too, so the doctor told me to give her and myself 3 breathing treatments a day.  So, it looks like we will be chained to the Panda Bear nebulizer again for awhile.  She said it may not be until SPRING that Elise will be completely well.

It is starting to look like I'm going to be unemployed and poor indefinitely.  I have applied for another job.  A job that I thought I'd be perfect for.  I interviewed for it last week and received a letter in the mail today saying that although my qualifications were excellent, they had selected another applicant.  Definitely not encouraging news.

And, when it rains it pours...  We've got about $600 worth of repairs needed on my vehicle as well as needing new tires.  Last week we bought two new ones (the tune of $360) and will be needing the other two in the near future.  A couple of weeks ago, Jason put in a new water pump since it was leaking and causing the heater to not work properly.  And a heater is a necessity this time of year!

On a more pleasant note, over New Year's weekend we had a big family get together.  It was a lot of fun to see the three babies playing and getting to spend time together.  We also saw Jason's family on the Thursday before Christmas and again the following week.  We met them halfway for lunch and for Jason to give them his lawnmower and leaf blower to have worked on.  Elise and I were really lucky to have Jason home with us all last week.  We ran a lot of errands, but it was still good to be able to spend a lot of family time together.  It's rare that we are all three relaxing and doing things together that don't include laundry, cooking, bath time, cleaning, and running around in the evenings like chickens with our heads cut off.

We have a future model in the family.  My friend Shalee send me a text message last night of a photo of Elise that was displayed at the mall.  It's a 16X20 canvas.  It was one of the recent pictures we had made of her about a month ago.  This is the picture they have displayed....

 

I called the place that we had her pictures made at today and asked them what they planned on doing with it after it wasn't being displayed at the mall anymore.  They told me they would sell it for $50 (regular price is $195) or just recover the canvas with another picture.  The only thing was that they would just sell the picture to ANYONE.  That's pretty creepy.  It's a really big picture, so I wouldn't have any room in my house for it.  Anyway, it's going to be at the mall until the end of the month.

Elise's favorite word is "doggie."  She can now identify everyone in the family: Momma, Dada, Doggie.  She has also started shaking her head "no" when you ask her certain questions.  For instance:  "Can momma have a kiss?"  ::shakes head no::  "Can dada have a kiss?"  ::shakes head no::
Except on Sunday night, she was being the sweetest little thing.  While she was sitting in the bath tub, Jason and I were both in there.  I asked her for a kiss and she lifted her head up for me to give her one.  Then Jason asked her if he could have one and she swam/scooted over to him and lifted her head up to get one from him.  We did it back and forth a couple of times and it was so cute!
The last month has been a whirlwind, with trying to buy Christmas presents (on a limited income), coordinating family visits and traveling, cooking, finding a dog sitter, catching up on laundry, cleaning, getting Christmas gifts put away (we still have stuff out and toys EVERYWHERE!), getting my vehicle fixed, looking for a job, taking Elise to the doctor, and whatever else I can't think of at the moment.  I think I might need a vacation from life!  Hopefully I will be struck with a little more ambition and will keep updating more often.