Week 1 of Working Momma

I started my new job on Tuesday as an inside sales rep for a local company that sells valves, control panels, actuators, etc. 

I spent the previous Monday confirming child care arrangements for Elise.  She's going to stay with the sitter she's stayed with on occasion until the end of May.  She's going to the Baptist church's summer program until the middle of August, and then back to the sitter.

The night before my big day, I wanted to get all of mine and Elise's stuff sorted out.  I had paperwork and books I needed to take to the office, and she needed clothes, diapers, wipes, drinks, snacks, lunch, and blankets packed in her bag.  I had to make a Wal-Mart run to pick up last minute items.  I was counting on Jason to be home to help with that, dinner, cleaning up, bath and bed time.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  I started out the night before my first day of work in stress overload mode.  Trying to tackle all of those things solo and get myself mentally prepared to get back into working mode.  I finally had dinner at 9:30pm and went to bed.

Day 1: Tuesday went pretty well.  Elise didn't even look back when I dropped her off and I managed to hold back any tears.  She did well throughout the day, just really tired since being way off her schedule.  I picked her up from the sitter's and headed home.  I left her with Jason so that I could run to the grocery store.  After some grocery shopping, I headed home and got started cooking dinner for all of us.  Well, as luck would have it... Jason's pager went off.  And...  I totally lost my shiz. 

I mean imagine this for one minute:  The night before getting ready for my first day at work without any support.  Going to work, going grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and then someone saying they are leaving right in the middle of cooking dinner, only to be left to clean up, do bath time, and bed time all alone again.  Seriously.  Throw me a freakin bone.  It wouldn't have been a big deal if I wasn't just starting a brand new job and trying to mentally and physically deal with that and leaving Elise at a sitter's.  More packing her bag, coordinating lunch and snacks, etc.

So I really wouldn't call my first day back in the work scene a HUGE success. 

Day 2:  Wednesday.  Back to the sitter's, back to work, back to the sitter's.  Obviously every Wednesday Jason has drill at the fire station until pretty late at night.  We crossed paths at home briefly.  He did get her drink cups made for the next day before he left.  Elise didn't hardly eat anything for dinner.  Then, I spent the next 2 and half hours trying to determine WHY my sweet little child was throwing tantrums.  Screaming, throwing stuff, a screaming fit all through bath time.  So now let's add guilt on top of the list of emotions.  Stress, frustration, and guilt.  Those are all super positive.  I was guilty that she felt so upset because she wasn't getting the attention from me she was used to.  I was guilty because I had interrupted her routine.  But, even worse than that, is that I felt overwhelming guilt for begging for it to be her bed time.  It had only been 2 days, but it felt like a week.  All of those things going on had been exhausting for me, and then frustrating that I didn't have my sweet happy baby to play with when I got home.  I had a completely different child.  And how could I not want to make that short amount of time be pleasant and want it to last?  Instead I wanted her to go to sleep, I wanted to eat dinner, and try to desensitize and prepare for ANOTHER day.  She went to sleep, I finally ate dinner around 9pm, and fell asleep before Jason got home.  That's pretty rare.  I usually stay up until he gets home and wake up if the front door opens.  I was so worn out that I didn't even wake up when he came home, made something to eat, and took a shower.

Day 3:  Thursday.  Back to the sitter's for drop off.  But, this time Elise didn't want me to leave.  She clung to my legs and went "uh uh uh."  I felt so bad.  Darcy (sitter) picked her up and carried her off to distract her so I could sneak out the door.  After work, I picked her up and headed back home to try again.  Now Jason was able to witness the 2 hour long tantrums.  Laying on the floor, throwing stuff, screaming....  Bath time was a battle.  More screaming and flailing.  I finally got her to lay in my arms on the couch and fall asleep.  Another night of relief for bed time.  That's horrible.  I don't see her all day and then when I get home with her, I'm relieved for her to go to sleep.

Day 4:  Friday.  Jason was off and stayed home with Elise.  He called me a little before lunch and told me she had been running a fever.  When he took it, it was 102.  He said she'd been sleeping off and on, but when she was awake she was really fussy.  She had Tylenol, but that didn't bring it down a whole lot.  After work, when I got home she felt really warm so I took her rectal temp.  It was 102.7.  I called the answering service for our pediatrician.  The on call nurse called me back told me to alternate Motrin and Tylenol and gave me the accurate doses.  Elise was feeling really bad, she just laid her head on my chest and cried until she fell asleep.  After a couple of doses of meds, her mood had drastically improved.  I was able to get her a bath, but I knew she still wasn't well because she had chills and was shivering.  She laid on the couch with me and fell asleep.

It has been a grueling week.  Lots of emotions, and new routines.  I knew it would be hard, but I also know it will get better.  At least I can hope it will.  I don't even want to think about July... Jason is planning on being gone for an entire week.  I don't know if I'll be able to survive....  I barely made it through 2-3 days without any help.

The Changes Are A'Comin

Aside from the fact that we are in the process of selling our house and starting the building process on another, on Friday I accepted a job offer.  A full-time Monday through Friday 8-5 job.  Things are about to get crazy around here for a bit.  Schedules are going to change, and I'm going to learn to cope without being with my child all day, everyday.  With that being said, the positive thing is that our income is almost going to be doubled.

I'm excited about this new venture, nervous, but also hopeful.  I want to feel successful and feel like I'm making a contribution to our family.  I know we will all be less financially stressed, but I'll be emotionally stressed for a while.  I'll be learning a lot of new things for the job while trying not to think about my baby all day.  I know Elise needs some interaction with other kids, and she'll develop some vital social skills.

We've already run into a few bumps in the road from the time I accepted the offer.  My babysitter that I was counting on will only be able to keep Elise until the end of May and is taking the summer off.  She'll then be able to keep her once school starts back up.  I've been searching my mind for ideas for the rest of the summer.  I've come up with a few, but haven't confirmed anything.  I was asked to start my new job tomorrow.  Three days after I accepted it.  I've taken my required drug test, filled out my paperwork, and started working on my safety videos.

My new boss sensed in my email to her that I was feeling the pressure to get up there ASAP and the stress of trying to rearrange child care.  She called me Friday night at 10:30pm to reassure me that I could take all the time I needed to so that I would feel comfortable and less stressed when I start.  She told me she realized my family is my number one priority and this was going to bring on big changes.  I told her I felt so relieved after she called and really appreciated her call and concern.

Once things are more calmed down and set in stone, I'll be able to elaborate more on our new situation.  I'm excited, proud, nervous, stressed and apprehensive all at the same time, but soon things will fall into place.

This Is How We Do Dinner

Yeah.  That's right.  We are that classy.  My daughter and I are challenging each other to a match of sticking out our tongues across the dinner table.  Elise, by the way, has a freakishly long tongue.  She laughs with excitement while I continue to make those awful sounds resembling those of mentally ill person.  BUT!  Not to be out done by my bottle of beer nestled comfortably in it's leopard print koozie.  That definitely steps it up on the classy scale.  That's just another reason we do not host dinner parties.  At least not indoor ones.  It might be considered acceptable behavior sitting outside by the grill.  Then it would be called a cook out, but  people with the social skills of cavemen do not belong at dinner parties.