Mayonnaise

You know what I hate equally as much as snoring?  Mayonnaise.

I do not eat anything that has or looks like it has mayonnaise on it.  And stuff like potato salad or chicken salad...  well, I try to stay away from it if I think it could be poisoned with mayonnaise.  Except, if I am at someone else's house or someone has prepared a meal for me, I obviously don't want to be rude.  I get my fork all saddled with the product and prepare myself before sticking it in my mouth:  "it's not mayo, it's ranch.... it's ranch."  After all, Ranch is the new Ketchup.  Please do not tell me what Ranch is made out of.  I don't think it has mayonnaise in it and I'd like to keep it that way.

So, every time we go to a fast food place to get a burger I emphasize very clearly that I don't want my burger even sitting next to the mayonnaise.  Because, usually I'll eat whatever they give me instead of sending it back UNLESS they put that freaking white crap on there.  Then I have a total freak out.  This is how I feel about Mayonnaise...

And I think I can speak for everyone when I say, No one wants to see that face EVER.AGAIN.

A few weeks ago after the football game, Jason and I wanted something to eat.  I wanted Taco Bell (they don't even have mayo in that entire building) and Jason wanted Wendy's.  I ordered my number one with cheese, no onions, and NO MAYONNAISE.  We got home and my burger had no cheese and a gallon of mayonnaise on it.  I flipped out and threatened to call them, but Jason (the peacemaker) offered to give me his chicken sandwich.

"Here, just eat mine."

"NOOO!  It has mayonnaise on it TOO and I paid thirty cents for my piece of cheese!"

So, he went back up there and got me a new one.

So, last night Jason texted after he was done with drill and asked me what I wanted to eat.

Jason:  Wendy's or Taco Bell?

Me:  Better go to TB because Wendys will put $%*@# mayo on my #%&*$ burger and then I'll have to go up there and cut someone's #@!*&$ throat.


Taco Bell it was.

But, you see... it happens to me ALL.THE.TIME.  Every place I go screws up my order.  I mean, really?  Is it that hard to freaking read that little screen before and while you are making the order?

One time I actually cried because Braums covered my burger in mayonnaise.  Jason offered to give me the bottom half of his bun, but that wasn't good enough.

"I don't want two ass ends........." I sobbed.

SO.  I'm kind of at the junction where I have two options.  Only go to Whataburger because they put mustard on their burgers by default.  They don't even mess with that mayonnaise crap.

OR...

Take my crayons up to Wendy's or Braum's and write: