It Can Only Go Up From Here... I Hope

Things just haven't been going my way.  It first started with this little beauty that started increasing in size everyday.

I swear, every time Jason would look at me to tell me something, all he would be looking at is the small city on my eye lid.  I would constantly say "quit looking at my eye!"

This, my friends is not a zit.  It is a cyst.  On my FREAKIN EYE!  Really?  Could it not show up anywhere else?  Because I'm such a freak of nature, the most random things have to happen to me.  It could be a birth defect... actually, I'm pretty sure it is.  When I was in the 6th grade I had a cyst on the inside of my mouth in my cheek.  Another random place.

So, as I continued to watch this thing grow over last weekend, I finally decided to go have my doc check it out.  So, I painted on as much make up as I could to cover this nasty thing, but then I ended up looking like I had a huge, unsightly mole on my eye.  So, it wasn't much better.  My doctor looked at it and said she would be sending me to a plastic surgeon that specializes in Oculopasty.  She said they would need to cut it out.  OH BOY!  I can't wait to have a hole carved in my eye.  But at this point, I'd take the hole over this nasty thing.  My doctor's office set up an appointment for me with the surgeon.  Bad news:  They can't get me in until August 4th (my anniversary).  So, with that being said, by the time I actually go see the surgeon I will more than likely look like this:

And, I'm supposed to be going out of town at the end of the month.  Just perfect.  I did get on their cancellation list, but you know that those people aren't going to cancel their eye lifts, boob jobs, and liposuction... while I'm here having a REAL medical condition.

So, then yesterday we decided to invite some friends over to BBQ.  Unfortunately, our dog Jason's dog, had a minor tee-tee accident on the floor the other night and our efforts to clean it made it worse.  Jason steam-cleaned it twice without much improvement.  I figured I'd try to work on it some more myself.  That was until accident number 2 yesterday.  This time it was Elise.  She was playing on her little mat, scooting around, and I heard her coughing.  I went to take a closer look and saw she had coughed or burped up some regurgitated prunes... on to the floor.  Ok, no problem.  It's a small spot, I'll get the Oxyclean and get it cleaned.  Then I was frantically trying to finish vacuuming and picking up stuff before our company arrived when I saw something "interesting" on the carpet.  Turns out, Elise pooped through her diaper, through her clothes, and then proceeded to scoot along side the coffee table.  So, I now had very light poop trail across my carpet.  I cleaned up Elise and then oxy cleaned the carpet, and then took a look around...  then out of disgust just said to hell with it all, I'm calling the carpet people.  I absolutely cannot stand to have stains on my carpet, and now I'm having company any second.  Nothing I could do about it at that moment, though.

Then this morning about 4:30ish Jason was tossing and turning in bed.  I asked him what was wrong and he told me his shoulder was hurting and he was going to get up for a little while.  Usually he's pretty healthy, but when something is wrong with him, he is the sickest person in the world and refuses to take any medication or seek medical attention.  I find it somewhat annoying that he complains about it, but then won't do anything to fix it.  Considering that he deals with sick people all the time, he has little sympathy for me.  When I had mastitis and was running a fever in the middle of the night he didn't even become fully coherent when I was trying to tell him something was wrong with me. 

Anyway, he got up and eventually came and laid back down.  He stayed awake, so I tried to stay awake too.  I guess we both finally fell back asleep when I woke up and heard Elise in her room at 6am.  I went in and picked her up and brought her back to our bed to feed her.  Since we have one of those 20 year old bed and headboards that you can set stuff on, Jason had set a glass on there last night that was half full of milk and Oreo crumbs.  He dunked all 9 of his Oreos in the glass, but didn't drink all the milk.  I was reaching for Elise's burp rag from the headboard and knocked the glass off the headboard.  It fell forward onto Jason and all over the bed.  Disgusting!  He wasn't even awake until that moment... poor thing.  That's an awful way to wake up.  So, we were stripping down the Oreo and milk coated sheets, pillow cases, comforters, and feather bed at 6 something this morning.  I didn't have any other sheets that were easily accessible, and I didn't want to sleep in the spare bedroom because I'd have to wash those sheets again.  So, I dug out some comforters and blankets, Jason spread them out on the bed, and Elise and I climbed in and called it good.

The feather bed is at the cleaner's, and I've been washing linens all day.  So, what else catastrophic could happen over the next few days?  I'm just dying to find out!