This Is Not A Joke

This is probably going to give you the biggest laugh of your adult life.  If you know me.

I have put in an application to be a ....

wait for it, wait for it.....................




Substitute Teacher.

Yes, to those of you who are laughing right now, I realize this goes against everything I have ever said.  For all of those years I insisted...

1) I don't like children
2) I'm not having any kids
3) I have no desire to be a teacher

Well, I still don't really like children, but I can tolerate them a lot more than I used to.  There are actually a few that I do like (I use the words 'few' and 'like' loosely).  Obviously reason number two is null and void since I have Elise now.  And as far as number three, well I still have no desire to be a "real" full-time teacher, but I think it would be fun to fill in as one a couple days a week.  I naively say, this of course, because I really have no idea what to expect.

I told my friend, Jarrett yesterday that I had applied for the job and his reaction was just as I would expect.

"Bahahahaha..... I can just see you yelling at a bunch of kids!!!"

Really, it can't be that bad.  I have an enormous amount of patience compared to what I used to (Jason can vouch for that), and of course there will be the trouble makers but surely nothing I can't handle.  Besides, I only applied to substitute up to the 5th grade I think.  I decided I couldn't deal with the high schoolers, and we'll see how it goes before I agree to any junior high kids.  Of course, I haven't been interviewed yet, but they have checked my references.  Hopefully, all 5 of the references didn't laugh hysterically and say...


"What?!  Stephanie hates kids!  Am I being punk'd?  Where's Ashton?!"

It could happen.


My babysitter can only watch Elise on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  So, I will only plan on being available those days.  I figured that a few days a week would be a good opportunity for Elise to get some interaction with other kids, and for me to get a little extra cash.

Also, my mother-in-law can finally quit asking me and Jason if I've ever thought about teaching, if the schools offer child care to teachers, and saying "it's too bad Stephanie didn't get her teaching certificate."  Now, maybe her world can start rotating again because I will have at least applied to do something related to being a teacher.  That is, until she starts getting the idea again that I need to do it full time like she and Jason's sister did.

I swear, every time she says "have you ever thought about teaching?" I always want to respond with...

"Uh, yeah I have.  And I've thought about how I would never want to willingly involve myself in that suckfest!"

Anyway, I'm not knocking the teachers out there.  I've had some great teachers in my day and some not so great ones.  I think it definitely takes a very special person to be a teacher.  I think it would be a good opportunity for me to learn how to relate to the kids, as well as share my knowledge with them.  (Was that a a good answer to an interview question?)

I mean, half the time, I think I'm on the same level as them.  I always want to watch Mary Poppins when it comes on The Family Channel, I dig Miley Cyrus, and had a mild case of Beiber Fever.  I had a lot of fun when I was in elementary school, so I could make it fun for the kids and they would like me.  As long as I don't have to deal with any barfing or pooped pants.

So who knows, maybe in the next few weeks, I'll have everyone start addressing me as Mrs. J or Ms. Stephanie.