4 Months

I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  I still think back to the day that Elise was born, the day we brought her home, the days of none of her clothes fitting, the days when I was over-exhausted, days when I wasn't sure what to do with her or if she even knew I was her mom.  And four months later, I have packed up those clothes that didn't fit, can identify what her different cries mean, have become confident in my mothering abilities, and I know without a doubt that she knows I am her momma and couldn't be any happier anyone's arms but mine.  As she is not afraid to demonstrate with crying fits or burying her face into my shoulder.

Elise has taught me so many things.  I have learned to appreciate the simple things like laying on the couch holding my baby, making silly faces to get her to smile, and trying to get her to coo.  Above all she has taught me to be patient.  And patient is not a word anyone would use to describe me.  I am now happy to say that my patience level has multiplied by leaps and bounds.  I have also learned not to sweat the small stuff.  When Elise gives me a big toothless smile, nothing else matters much.

She is a beautiful baby.  Even though I am partial to her, everyone else seems to agree.  I hear everyone say there's no denying Jason is her father because she looks just like him.  But I hope that as she grows up, she will have a kind and giving heart like him.  Then people will say she is just like her Daddy because of the lady she has become.  Of course I wouldn't be devastated if she got a few of my personality traits either.  Unfortunately, though, it looks like her patience level is going to rival mine.  She can turn the tears and smiles on and off just as fast as she wants to.  But I think between me and Jason we can raise a polite, well-mannered, opinionated, intellectual young lady of integrity.  That's what I hope for her anyway.

I love watching her explore new things.  Her fingers are one of her favorite toys right now, and just last night she was inspecting her feet pretty heavily.  Each day she and I learn more about each other, what works, and what doesn't.  I can't picture how things would be if I hadn't been given the opportunity to spend this time with my baby.  It is truly a blessing because this is time I will never get back.  Although it can be frustrating that Elise doesn't care much to have other people hold her, in a way it shows her trust in me and that she will not trust or go to just anyone.  She will develop confidence in herself, and I'm positive that one day she will become the independent woman I strive to raise.

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.