Maybe NOT "The Best Days Of My Life"

Holy Crap!  My new life as a full time working mom is overwhelming and often times a struggle.

For 5 days, I get up at around 6:30ish, get myself in the shower, get ready for work.  IF Jason is home, he helps get Elise dressed (I fix her hair, due his lack of styling skills...unless I'm running behind), and gets her cups and lunch in her bag.  Maybe every other morning, we persevere through one (or two) of her tantrums before even leaving the driveway.

If he's not home (which was the case several mornings due to fires), I do all of the above, battle with her to get her in her car seat to head to daycare while breaking into a sweat before leaving the driveway.

After daycare drop off, I head to work.  There, I put in an 8 hour work day.  Run from work to the daycare and pick up Elise.

We recently switched to taking Elise to The Christian Learning Center at the Baptist church here in town since her previous sitter was unable to keep her through the summer.  The church is within walking distance from the fire station so Jason is able to walk over and pick her up.  I still have to drive to and from there for pick ups and drop offs since he drives a city vehicle and as of now cannot have a car seat in it.  So that's a little inconvenient, but it is what it is.

Once we get home I get Elise unloaded and get her bag in the house to unpack, and then attempt to change my clothes.  About that same time, round 1 of the tantrums start.  Between the few hours that we get home and she goes to bed I make her dinner, attempt to feed her, get her a bath, and get her ready for bed.  We typically experience tantrums through the majority of that.  When I say tantrums.... I mean SCREAMING, kicking, hitting, throwing, and laying on the floor face down refusing to get up.  And DON'T even think about picking her because she stiffens up so that it's next to impossible to get a secure hold on her.

I do not cook dinner for me and Jason.  That's at the bottom of the priority list.  My energy and patience is pretty much exhausted from working all day and trying not to have a complete melt down from the unpleasant home environment I suffer through for several hours 5 days a week.  Some nights, cereal at 9pm is as good as it gets.

If Jason is home he'll make her cups and get her lunch for the following day.  If not, after she goes to bed I use the last bit of energy I have to drag my ass off the couch and prepare juice and milk cups, bag up chicken nuggets, make sure there's extra clothes, snacks, and her blanket in her bag.  Then sometimes, I look in the laundry room at the overflowing laundry basket and cuss at it...  then I wonder what it would cost to drop all that crap off at the cleaners?

After DAYS go by of this, I realize why people drink.  I went to the beer store two days in a row to get more wine.  Obviously alcohol is not the solution and I try to ask myself  "what would Jesus do?"  But, isn't there wine and bread at communion?  Yep...  So then the world is right again.

I have been wracking my brain trying to figure where all of Elise's intense emotions stem from.  Approaching the terrible two's?  Lack of full time attention from me?  Lack of sufficient rest?  All of the above?

How in God's name do people do this with more than one child?  They must never sleep.

I have been trying to make a personal goal of being IN BED between 9pm and 9:30pm.  But, more often times than not, I climb into bed and glance at the clock.  Freaking 10:30pm!!  What the hell happened in the last hour and a half that prevented me from getting in bed?  Sitting on the couch in a coma looking for my sanity?  Probably.

I have just spent all of this time complaining which I don't like.  I like my job, I feel comfortable about Elise being at the church during the day, but I wish the few hours I get to spend with her in the evening would be less painful and more pleasant for all of us.

And don't even get me started on the drama with selling our house and getting the new one built, or else this blog will turn into a major suckfest and no one will read it.  But, I'm surviving... I'm still alive.  Today anyway.

Week 1 of Working Momma

I started my new job on Tuesday as an inside sales rep for a local company that sells valves, control panels, actuators, etc. 

I spent the previous Monday confirming child care arrangements for Elise.  She's going to stay with the sitter she's stayed with on occasion until the end of May.  She's going to the Baptist church's summer program until the middle of August, and then back to the sitter.

The night before my big day, I wanted to get all of mine and Elise's stuff sorted out.  I had paperwork and books I needed to take to the office, and she needed clothes, diapers, wipes, drinks, snacks, lunch, and blankets packed in her bag.  I had to make a Wal-Mart run to pick up last minute items.  I was counting on Jason to be home to help with that, dinner, cleaning up, bath and bed time.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  I started out the night before my first day of work in stress overload mode.  Trying to tackle all of those things solo and get myself mentally prepared to get back into working mode.  I finally had dinner at 9:30pm and went to bed.

Day 1: Tuesday went pretty well.  Elise didn't even look back when I dropped her off and I managed to hold back any tears.  She did well throughout the day, just really tired since being way off her schedule.  I picked her up from the sitter's and headed home.  I left her with Jason so that I could run to the grocery store.  After some grocery shopping, I headed home and got started cooking dinner for all of us.  Well, as luck would have it... Jason's pager went off.  And...  I totally lost my shiz. 

I mean imagine this for one minute:  The night before getting ready for my first day at work without any support.  Going to work, going grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and then someone saying they are leaving right in the middle of cooking dinner, only to be left to clean up, do bath time, and bed time all alone again.  Seriously.  Throw me a freakin bone.  It wouldn't have been a big deal if I wasn't just starting a brand new job and trying to mentally and physically deal with that and leaving Elise at a sitter's.  More packing her bag, coordinating lunch and snacks, etc.

So I really wouldn't call my first day back in the work scene a HUGE success. 

Day 2:  Wednesday.  Back to the sitter's, back to work, back to the sitter's.  Obviously every Wednesday Jason has drill at the fire station until pretty late at night.  We crossed paths at home briefly.  He did get her drink cups made for the next day before he left.  Elise didn't hardly eat anything for dinner.  Then, I spent the next 2 and half hours trying to determine WHY my sweet little child was throwing tantrums.  Screaming, throwing stuff, a screaming fit all through bath time.  So now let's add guilt on top of the list of emotions.  Stress, frustration, and guilt.  Those are all super positive.  I was guilty that she felt so upset because she wasn't getting the attention from me she was used to.  I was guilty because I had interrupted her routine.  But, even worse than that, is that I felt overwhelming guilt for begging for it to be her bed time.  It had only been 2 days, but it felt like a week.  All of those things going on had been exhausting for me, and then frustrating that I didn't have my sweet happy baby to play with when I got home.  I had a completely different child.  And how could I not want to make that short amount of time be pleasant and want it to last?  Instead I wanted her to go to sleep, I wanted to eat dinner, and try to desensitize and prepare for ANOTHER day.  She went to sleep, I finally ate dinner around 9pm, and fell asleep before Jason got home.  That's pretty rare.  I usually stay up until he gets home and wake up if the front door opens.  I was so worn out that I didn't even wake up when he came home, made something to eat, and took a shower.

Day 3:  Thursday.  Back to the sitter's for drop off.  But, this time Elise didn't want me to leave.  She clung to my legs and went "uh uh uh."  I felt so bad.  Darcy (sitter) picked her up and carried her off to distract her so I could sneak out the door.  After work, I picked her up and headed back home to try again.  Now Jason was able to witness the 2 hour long tantrums.  Laying on the floor, throwing stuff, screaming....  Bath time was a battle.  More screaming and flailing.  I finally got her to lay in my arms on the couch and fall asleep.  Another night of relief for bed time.  That's horrible.  I don't see her all day and then when I get home with her, I'm relieved for her to go to sleep.

Day 4:  Friday.  Jason was off and stayed home with Elise.  He called me a little before lunch and told me she had been running a fever.  When he took it, it was 102.  He said she'd been sleeping off and on, but when she was awake she was really fussy.  She had Tylenol, but that didn't bring it down a whole lot.  After work, when I got home she felt really warm so I took her rectal temp.  It was 102.7.  I called the answering service for our pediatrician.  The on call nurse called me back told me to alternate Motrin and Tylenol and gave me the accurate doses.  Elise was feeling really bad, she just laid her head on my chest and cried until she fell asleep.  After a couple of doses of meds, her mood had drastically improved.  I was able to get her a bath, but I knew she still wasn't well because she had chills and was shivering.  She laid on the couch with me and fell asleep.

It has been a grueling week.  Lots of emotions, and new routines.  I knew it would be hard, but I also know it will get better.  At least I can hope it will.  I don't even want to think about July... Jason is planning on being gone for an entire week.  I don't know if I'll be able to survive....  I barely made it through 2-3 days without any help.

The Changes Are A'Comin

Aside from the fact that we are in the process of selling our house and starting the building process on another, on Friday I accepted a job offer.  A full-time Monday through Friday 8-5 job.  Things are about to get crazy around here for a bit.  Schedules are going to change, and I'm going to learn to cope without being with my child all day, everyday.  With that being said, the positive thing is that our income is almost going to be doubled.

I'm excited about this new venture, nervous, but also hopeful.  I want to feel successful and feel like I'm making a contribution to our family.  I know we will all be less financially stressed, but I'll be emotionally stressed for a while.  I'll be learning a lot of new things for the job while trying not to think about my baby all day.  I know Elise needs some interaction with other kids, and she'll develop some vital social skills.

We've already run into a few bumps in the road from the time I accepted the offer.  My babysitter that I was counting on will only be able to keep Elise until the end of May and is taking the summer off.  She'll then be able to keep her once school starts back up.  I've been searching my mind for ideas for the rest of the summer.  I've come up with a few, but haven't confirmed anything.  I was asked to start my new job tomorrow.  Three days after I accepted it.  I've taken my required drug test, filled out my paperwork, and started working on my safety videos.

My new boss sensed in my email to her that I was feeling the pressure to get up there ASAP and the stress of trying to rearrange child care.  She called me Friday night at 10:30pm to reassure me that I could take all the time I needed to so that I would feel comfortable and less stressed when I start.  She told me she realized my family is my number one priority and this was going to bring on big changes.  I told her I felt so relieved after she called and really appreciated her call and concern.

Once things are more calmed down and set in stone, I'll be able to elaborate more on our new situation.  I'm excited, proud, nervous, stressed and apprehensive all at the same time, but soon things will fall into place.

This Is How We Do Dinner

Yeah.  That's right.  We are that classy.  My daughter and I are challenging each other to a match of sticking out our tongues across the dinner table.  Elise, by the way, has a freakishly long tongue.  She laughs with excitement while I continue to make those awful sounds resembling those of mentally ill person.  BUT!  Not to be out done by my bottle of beer nestled comfortably in it's leopard print koozie.  That definitely steps it up on the classy scale.  That's just another reason we do not host dinner parties.  At least not indoor ones.  It might be considered acceptable behavior sitting outside by the grill.  Then it would be called a cook out, but  people with the social skills of cavemen do not belong at dinner parties.

The Culinary Coordinator Quits

It's pretty much common knowledge that I'm on the borderline of being a culinary genius.  I tend to think of recipes as suggestions?  Guidelines?  Then I throw caution to the wind, take my ideas, and run with them.  With that being said, it's also a known fact that the same tactics mentioned above do not apply to baking.  Baking is something that cannot be tampered with.  One wrong measurement and the whole thing is a disaster.  Of course, I know this personally from when I had that big catastrophe and started a fire.

With all that being said, Momma's work load is about to decrease!  I am taking a temporary(?) hiatus from being the go-to gal for dinners around here.  I put in a lot of time and thought into weekly meal planning.  I scour the various cookbooks we have here at home, and I search for new things online to add variety into our meals.  I pilfer through the pantry, freezer, and fridge to account for the ingredients I already have on hand, and tirelessly go to work on my grocery list.  I write down the meal we'll be having as well as the ingredients I need to pick up to prepare it.  It's all a very rigorous, scientific process.  When it comes time for unloading the groceries, I think to myself "self, what days would be best to prepare each given meal according to my husband's schedule?"  As that determines what should be frozen, cooked rather soon, or can wait.

Then, being the good little diligent wife I am, I set out on a cooking endeavor and start preparing dinner.  And then guess what happens??  My husband tells me he isn't coming home.  Just doesn't come home.  Or even better, he doesn't know WHEN he'll be home... tonight, tomorrow, 4 days from now?  Who the hell knows?  So, there I am left with food to be wasted.  All of that time spent planning, preparing, cooking... WASTED.  My personal favorite, which just occurred not too long ago was this:  I get to work in the kitchen to make dinner as fast as I can because everyone is starving.  Sloppy Joes are ready to be slapped on buns, and Sweet Potato Fries are about to jump out of the oven.  And then!!!!  Jason leaves to go on a fire.  Well, I might as well eat what I want and feed the rest to the dogs.  Half of the time I have to make Elise something different than what we eat anyway, so it's not exactly like I'm preparing a meal for me AND her.  So, one could possibly see this frustration.  There's other things I could do with all that time... and even though I rock at it, I'm not exactly cooking for my entertainment.

So, until further notice I am taking a break from recipe searching, list making, ingredient sorting, meal planning, and anything else related to the preparation of dinner.  Everyone is now on their own to fend for themselves.  Well, besides Elise of course.  I make her dinner every night so that won't change.  As far as Jason and myself?  Cereal, sandwiches, and Pizza Rolls....  make it happen.

I also want to add:  Since I won't be wasting time doing the above mentioned items, I also won't be wasting time cleaning up the kitchen either.  I think I might take on scrap booking, knitting, or basket weaving. 

18 Months

Yesterday... Actually last night at 9:39pm Elise turned the big 1-8... 18 Months old and she hasn't looked back.  I, on the other hand look back frequently and miss the days of the tiny little baby we brought home from the hospital.  But that just makes me depressed.  Especially because I love having all the pictures to look back at, and I have none of the three of us at the hospital right after she was born, none of me and Jason while I was in labor (probably wouldn't be pretty anyway), none of the three of us as we left the hospital to come home.

But, even so, I have this one and a half year old that I contend with everyday that has some independence.  Something I'm pretty sure I longed for during those long & sleepless days and nights.  Now, instead of her needing me 12 hours out of the day (since she spent the other 12 sleeping) she comes to me when she needs something.  She climbs up in my lap to snuggle and give kisses.  She and I entertain each other, and can actually communicate with each other.

I tried to make a quick list of Elise's development, and of the new things she doing.

• She says MaMa, Doggie, KiKi (kitty kitty), Thank you, Daggie (Daddy), Please (pees)
• Gives High Fives
• Gives kisses and hugs *selectively*
• Knows and points to where her head, feet, nose and belly are
• She will go to her bed when she is asked if she's ready for a nap
• Goes to her changing table when asked if she needs a clean diaper
• When asked, she finds her cup, blankie, shoes, phone, paci, deer, Violet, etc.
• Brushes her hair and teeth
• Helps to put lotion on, and put her shoes on
• Loves to dance to music and occasional attempts to sing along
• She goes to bathtub when asked if she's ready for her bath
• She likes to have clean hands and frequently wipes her mouth while eating with napkins or her burp rag
• We keep her burp rag out for her, so when we tell her to go wipe her nose or her mouth she finds it does so.
• Goes to microwave/fridge for food/drinks
• Throws paci's, cups, toys when mad
• Uses spoon/fork to feed herself 
• Loves to help do laundry and unload the dish washer
• Current weight: 23lbs

I'm sure there's some stuff I've forgotten, but this is better than nothing.

April 2010

 April 2011

The Great Egg Hunt

Easter Sunday was Elise's first Easter egg hunt.  We didn't have high expectations of seeing her running around in a frenzy of excitement scooping eggs up and throwing them into her basket like a heathen.  Nevertheless, she was totally into the thrill of the chase.  We showed her one egg, told her to put it in her basket, and from that moment on it was on like Donkey Kong!

 

"Hmm.  Let me see what these colored balls are out in the yard."

 

"So, let me make sure I'm understanding this complicated concept.  I just pick it up, put it in that pink lacy bucket, and all ya'll cheer and clap your hands?"

"Well, watch this you idiots and prepare to be amazed.  Psshhh.  Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader my azz"

"That's right peeps!  Baby got mad egg huntin skillz!"

"Uh huh... thought I wouldn't find this one did you?  I was born at night, but it wasn't last night, honey"

"I'm going to be unloading all of my eggs into my car.  I like my eggs where I can see them.  Oh, and Nana... be a dear and make sure you don't drop any."

"I'm outta here, homies.  Catch ya on the flip side."

"Yo, Daddy-O, I know this ride can catch another gear, so don't let grass grow under your feet."

Such a little diva.  I just don't know what I'm going to do with all the attitude that little girl has.  I can only imagine it will continue to increase with her age.  

Of course, photos wouldn't be complete without a few family shots.  Unfortunately, we didn't manage to get any of all THREE of us together.  Maybe next year.

And since one day of egg hunting just wasn't enough.  Monday morning, afternoon, evening.  All day on Monday I picked up Easter eggs, while someone else kept on celebrating.  And celebrating.  Just wait until Christmas this year.  It's going to be a celebration of epic proportions.  She might even have that shot glass mastered by New Year's.  Of course she'll be shooting chocolate milk.  Just because she's small doesn't mean she doesn't have BIG plans!